


Special

by GoldsJRZGirl



Series: Gold Standard [15]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Baby Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Humor, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 15:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldsJRZGirl/pseuds/GoldsJRZGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A  sudden attack of anxiety over the Charmings' new baby leaves little Regina feeling lost, afraid, and unloved. Can Rumple show her that she is special, just the way she is? A Baby Regal/Gold two-shot! Gold Standard verse. Sequel to "Swan Chick".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Because You're You

**Special**

**A Baby Regal/Gold tale**

**Gold Standard verse**

**1**

**Because You’re You**

_Gold’s Victorian:_

“So llyssa really had—wings?” Belle exclaimed when Rumple returned home that day to inform her about their granddaughter’s unusual emerging powers.

Rumple nodded. “She did, dearie. Little angel wings. But they faded after a few minutes.”

“Does that mean that one day she’ll be able to fly?”

“Possibly. I can’t really say yet.”

“Whoa!” Charming exclaimed. “Now I have a bird girl granddaughter!”

Snow was grinning. She was delighted. “That’s so amazing! I wish I’d seen it!”

“See, Mommy?” Regina cried. “I was right! She _is_ a swan chick!” She wore a grin from ear to ear.

David nodded. “You’re smart, Regina.” Then he looked at Snow. “I wonder what this baby will be like?”

“I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” Snow said, putting a hand on her belly.

She turned to speak to Belle about something to do with the baby and nursing, and suddenly Regina scowled and got up from the table. “All you guys wanna talk about is the baby! This baby, Ilyssa an’ the twins! M’ sick of hearin’ about them babies!”

Snow was startled. This was the first time Regina had ever expressed displeasure with the topic of the babies, her own or others. “Regina, honey, don’t you want to help—”

“No! All you care ‘bout is the baby! You can keep it! I’m movin’ into the tree house!” she yelled, then she raced from the kitchen and out the back door into the yard, climbing up into Alina’s tree house a moment later.

Her parents exchanged glances. “Maybe we should—” Charming began.

“Talk to her?”Snow finished. “David, I doubt she wants to hear anything we say right now.”

“This is just a—phase, right, Rumple?” David asked the more experienced parent among them at the table. “She’s just a little jealous because the baby’s coming, right?”

But the sorcerer didn’t immediately agree with him. With another child he might have chalked it up to a mere spate of jealousy, but this was Regina, whom he suspected had more going on inside her little mind than most toddlers. “Maybe, dearie,” he said, glancing outside. Then he rose, saying, “Perhaps I might be able to talk to her.” He suspected that some of the little girl’s reaction was born of jealousy and a need for attention, but some of it was also born of a different kind of fear—one he knew well.

The fear of being unwanted and unloved.

He turned and went out the sliding glass door to the treehouse, his sneakers whispering over the grass. He was dressed casually, which for him usually was denims and a white shirt, only today he had decided to wear purple, and walked rapidly across the lawn to the huge oak tree where the treehouse was situated.

“Regina, you in there?” he called.

“Go ‘way!” came the irritable reply.

“Why?”

“Cause I don’t wanna talk to nobody!”

“Okay, but what if I just want to come up and sit there? You don’t have to say anything.”

There was a period of silence. Then she called, “Kay, Unca Rumple. But just you! Nobody else!”

“All right, dearie. It’s just me.”

He climbed up to the platform where the house was and entered it, thanking God he was trim and small, because a larger man would never have been able to fit into the structure.

The treehouse was furnished with a bed, table, chairs and small cabinets to store things in. Regina was sitting on the bed, her knees drawn up to her chin, wearing a miniature scowl that reminded Rumple eerily of her Evil Queen persona. But the Evil Queen was gone. She had in effect died when Rumple had cast the deaging charm. Now there was only a lost little girl—one who was confused, angry, and hurting.

Rumple knew what that was like. He had been there—many times—as both a child and adult.

He pulled out a chair and sat in it, he almost felt like Goldilocks in the Three Bears’ house—in a chair that was a wee bit too small. But he waved a hand and enlarged it so he could sit without getting a crick in his spine. He remained quiet and just sat there.

So did Regina.

For long moments neither of them said anything.

But Rumple knew exactly how long Regina’s patience lasted.

After three minutes, she said grumpily, “I ain’t talkin’ to you!”

He shrugged. “Okay, dearie. I remember when I was angry about something, I didn’t want to talk to anyone either when I was small.”

Moments went by as the child digested this information . . .and battled her own curiosity.

The curiosity won—as he had thought it would.

“Why was you mad, Unca Rumple?”

He turned and looked at her. “Oh for a lot of reasons, sometimes, but the main one was because my papa had run off and left me, and then my mama passed on and I was alone . . .without a family who cared about me.”

“But what about Auntie Rhea?”

“She had been stolen away by Baba Yaga-and I thought she was dead,” Rumple reminded her. “So I had no one—no aunts, or sisters, or cousins. And I lived with some old ladies who spun, they’d taken me in because they used to know my mama.”

“Were they nice?”

“Sometimes. And sometimes they were crotchety and crosspatches,” he replied. “But the one thing they didn’t do . . .they didn’t make me feel like I was family. Like they truly loved me or wanted me. So even when they were around—I felt lonely. Like I didn’t belong. Do you know what I mean?”

“Umm . . .” Regina’s eyes met his. She sounded uncertain, because her child’s mind had been made to forget the memories of her past life—but even magic couldn’t erase everything fully, and he saw that a part of her did indeed recall what it meant to be unwanted and unloved. By her mother, Cora. She might not remember Cora, but the feeling still lingered.

Their eyes met in a shared understanding.

Slowly she nodded. “Yeah. Sometimes when Mommy talks about the baby . . . I feel lonely. And mad.”

“Ahh . . .I know just how you feel,” he said sympathetically. It was true. For most of his long life he had been lonely—and trying to pretend he enjoyed it, but that was a lie. All he had ever wanted was to have a family. One who loved him just for him. He suspected that so had Regina.

Even as the Dark One he had been lonely, and no amount of the cursed persona’s dark magic could disguise the loneliness for anything other than what it was. People often thought that having all that power meant he was happy—but he hadn’t been. The power had been a poor substitute for love.

He was at heart a simple man—who had longed for just one thing all of his life—love—the love of a woman and of family.

He had that now, but that didn’t mean he had forgotten what it was like to not have it, or to be afraid it would be taken away.

She cocked her head at him. “But Unca Rumple—you have lots of people who love you—Auntie Belle, n’ Bae, n’ Alina, Henry, Emma, Mommy, Daddy, Daria, Dylan, Jimmy, and Ilyssa,” she counted them off on her fingers.

“How about you, minx?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “ _I_ love you best of all!” she said, as if he should have known that and why was he being so clueless?

He grinned at her. “You’re right, dearie. But I still remember what it was like to be lonely and afraid no one would ever love me. Is that how you feel?”

She nodded. “Kinda.”

“Would you like to tell me why?” He patted his knee in invitation.

She hesitated for a fraction of a second before coming to climb into his lap. She didn’t quite know why she had come out here to be alone, yet now she wanted to be held. And she also realized as she snuggled familiarly into his soft shirt, resting her head against his chest and listening to his heartbeat, that even though she loved her mommy and daddy, she wanted only Rumple to hold her right then.   Because she recognized a kindred spirit.

Rumple waited patiently for her to begin.

“Sometimes I wish I’d never asked Daria n’ Dylan for a baby brother. ‘Cause now all Mommy and Daddy do is talk about the baby. When he’s born, what we’re gonna do when he’s born, and yesterday Daddy brought home a present somebody at work gave him for the baby—and none for me!” she said in aggrieved tones. “Why’d they forget me? And whenever Mommy and me go out somewhere, some lady is always coming up and asking her when the baby’s due and aren’t they excited to be having a baby and they ask how the baby’s doing an’ I’m right _there_ an’ I might as well be invisible!” She pouted, then continued. “When we got home I wanted Daddy to play with me, but he told me he couldn’t cause he had to work on the crib for the baby and I should just go watch TV or play with my dolls! I wanted him to play Candy Land. And Mommy was resting!”

She crossed her arms over her chest.

Rumple couldn’t resist a tiny giggle for she looked tyrannically adorable.

Regina was _not_ amused.

“This isn’t _funny_ , Unca Rumple! Why are you laughing?”

He composed himself. “Sorry, it’s just . . . you looked . . .never mind,” he coughed. “So let me get this straight. You feel like everyone is ignoring you because of your new brother getting born, right?”

“Uh huh. They _are_. It’s all anybody ever talks about.”

“And now you wish the baby wasn’t being born?”

She shook her head. “Noo . . . I still want a baby brother . . . I just wish people would stop talking about him so much! He ain’t even here yet and what are they gonna be like when he is here? They’ll forget about me. S’why I’m movin’ inta the treehouse.”

“Because you think no one will notice you’re gone once the baby’s born?”

“Uh huh. They’ll be too busy with him.” Her lower lip trembled.

“Hey. Is that what happened with Henry when Ilyssa was born? Or Alina when the twins were born? Did you think that I forgot about her because I was busy with Dylan and Daria? Or that Emma forgot about Henry because now they had Ilyssa?” he queried gently.

“Umm . . .” she wriggled a bit on his knee, because she knew that she couldn’t say yes, since she had seen for herself that Henry and Alina both seemed happy with their siblings. Then she huffed, “But it ain’t the same, Unca Rumple! They’s big! I’m still little!”

“Dearie, do you know why babies get so much attention?”

“Cause they need everything!”

“Yes, and they’re helpless. They can’t do anything for themselves. They can’t feed themselves, or dress themselves or go potty themselves or even burp themselves. They need their parents to help them do all of that. You’ve helped me with Daria and Dylan. It’s a lot of work, right?”

Regina nodded. “Yeah. It takes Auntie Belle n’ me twenty minutes to get Dylan changed an’ dressed.”

“I know, and even though they can eat solid food now, it takes a long time to feed them anything.”

“Cause they spit everything out n’ are messy.”

“Yes, because they’re still learning how to eat.”

“Jeez Louise, Unca Rumple! The only thing babies know how ta do right is sleep!”

Rumple laughed. “Not at first, dearie. In the beginning a baby only sleeps a short time and then wakes up hungry. You’ll learn that when your baby brother comes home. Now, with all the things you have to do with a baby, do you see why it takes a long time before your mommy or daddy can do something for you?”

Her small forehead wrinkled. “Yeah. Unca Rumple, why can’t babies do anything when they’re born?”

“Because, dearie, all babies need to grow up. You did too. It just takes a lot longer than you’re used to. I know that having a new baby in the house is going to mean some very big changes for you, imp. But you have to remember that the reason your mommy and daddy can’t do things you want right away is because the baby is so helpless and takes longer to care for than you do, since you’re big and can do a lot more by yourself. It’s not because they’re ignoring you, Regina.”

“They’re not?”

“No, they’re busy taking care of that helpless baby, and it takes a long time. But you know, if you help your mommy and daddy, you can make it not take so long. Then you can both do things together.”

He was going to have to mention to Snow and David that perhaps they should spent a few hours during the day with just Regina when the baby was sleeping. So she didn’t feel like she was an afterthought.

“Umm . . .but doesn’t doing more things with the baby mean they love the baby more than me?”

Rumple shook his head. “No, dearie. Not at all. Do you think I love Dylan and Daria more than Alina and Bae? Or that I love Bae better because he was my first baby? I don’t. Because I love all of my children the same—because my heart has enough love in it for everyone. Every one of them is special to me in their own way, and no one is better than another.”

“Am I special to you?”

“Always, dearie! You will always be special to me—because you’re you. And there’s only one Regina Nolan.” He hugged her.

“But . . .I don’t gots magic like the rest of the kids,” she objected.

He raised an eyebrow at that statement. “And you think because they have magic they’re more special than you?”

“You can do more with magic.”

“Sometimes. But Regina, all magic comes with a price. Just like anything else. And while we mages can do many things with it—there’s also things we can’t and shouldn’t do. The magic is both curse and blessing, dearie. And it’s a talent, like someone who is an artist, or a writer, or an athlete. It doesn’t make anyone better, it just makes us different. Most times, it also makes people afraid of us.”

“But you have Light magic,” she pointed out.

“Yes, but not all mages do—and most people who fear something remember the evil things about it and not the good things. You don’t need magic to be special, Regina. Look at our family. Your mommy and daddy, Aunt Belle, Bae, Jimmy, Uncle Jack, Will, Alice and Grace don’t have any magic. And I don’t think they’re any less special than me.”

“You don’t?”

“No. It just means that I can do something other people can’t. What makes you special is here—” He put a hand on her head. “And here,” he put his other hand on her heart. “No one else has your brain and heart, dearie. That’s what makes you unique. It doesn’t matter to me if my children have magic or not, because I love them just the way they are. We’re all different for a reason.”

“Why?”

“Because God loves infinite variety. Look at the flowers outside in the garden. They’re not all the same, are they?”

“No. Only some of them.”

“Exactly. They’re different . . .what if every flower looked exactly the same? And every tree?”

“It’d be so boring!”

“Yes, it would. It’s the same with people. We all look different, sound different, and act different. And that, dearie, is a beautiful thing.”

“Then . . . you’re happy that Bae and me don’t have magic?” she queried.

“Yes, I am. Bae doesn’t need magic to be special. Bae’s a martial artist and a good father and a better man than I am, dearie. And you’re special because you’re my sassy imp that gives me gray hairs and someday you’re going to be something wonderful.”

“Like what?”

“Anything you want to be. That’s up to you. Maybe you’ll be a teacher like your mommy, or a police officer like Emma, or –”

“—or maybe I’ll be a lawyer like you!” Regina declared.

“You could,” he agreed, thinking she’d be a shark in a courtroom, relentless in pursuit of a conviction. “Or you could open a store and be a fashion designer and design gowns for all the ladies in Storybrooke.” He thought Regina would be a killer fashion designer, she certainly had the eye for it, even at such a young age.

“The important thing, dearie, is that you remember that whatever you become, we will always love you, no matter what,” he stressed.

“Even if I’m bad?”

“Regina, what do I always say when you ask me that?”

“You say—I might not love what you do but I’ll always love you,” she recited.

“And that’s as true now as it ever will be,” he assured her. “For me and for your parents and everyone in this family. Nothing can ever replace you, Regina. Not even if your parents have a dozen new babies,” he told her, biting back a giggle at the looks of horror he’d be getting if Snow and David heard what he’d just said.

“How about two dozen?”

“Not even then.”

“Three dozen?”

“Not even three hundred dozen,” he smirked and tweaked her nose. “Feel better now, imp?”

“Uh huh. Lots.” She wound her arms about his neck and kissed him sweetly on the cheek.

“You still want to move into the treehouse?”

“Nope! Cause if I move out—who’s gonna help Mommy with the baby?”

Rumple cocked his head. “Your daddy?”

“Nah. Daddy’s clueless,” she said dismissively.

Rumple burst out laughing. “Ahh, Regina. You’re a trip, dearie. And God help me when you’re sixteen.”

“What happens when I’m sixteen?”

“What? You’ve forgotten our deal?” he asked in mock-horror.

She gave him an impish smirk. “Fooled ya! I did not! When I’m sixteen you’re gonna take me to Hawaii! And I’m gonna see the volcanoes and walk on the beach and pick coconuts and surf and dance the hula at a lual!”

“Like I said, dearie, God help me!”

And God help any boys who happened to look inappropriately at his niece.

_Belle, you’d better start carrying bail money in your purse once we fly out there. And don’t be surprised if you get a call from a police station in Honolulu._

“C’mon, Unca Rumple! Let’s go and get somethin’ to eat, I’m starving!”

“Me too. What would you like?”

“Umm—the Gold special!”

“Sounds good to me,” he said, then he teleported out of the treehouse.

Once on the ground, Regina wanted to walk, so he set her down and she took his hand and skipped beside him as they walked toward the Victorian.

At that precise moment, David happened to glance out the sliding glass door. “Well, I’ll be a flying monkey! He got her to come down!”

Snow just looked at him. “David—did you really think he wouldn’t?”

“Well, you know Regina. She can be stubborn squared.”

Belle started chuckling. “ _No one_ outstubborns Rumplestiltskin!”

The mayor looked again at the pair and muttered, “You know, sometimes I think he knows my own daughter better than I do.”

“Once he was very like her,” Belle said quietly. She knew that no matter how far he had come, a part of him would always remember being a lost little boy afraid that no one would ever love him, and it was why he understood Regina best.


	2. The Young Prince Is Born

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow and David's baby is born at last . . .and Regina participates--sort of--in the birth!

Snow couldn't recall being this uncomfortable when she was pregnant with Emma. Then again, it _had_ been close to thirty years ago since she actually carried a baby, so of course she had forgotten those pesky details. As a matter of fact, she knew this pregnancy had gone well—no major complications, no real morning sickness after the first trimester, and now she was literally down to the wire, and ready to bring this prince-assuming Regina was right—home. This morning there was a twinge in her lower back, and a a kind of throbbing, but she ignored it, figuring it was just Braxton-Hicks contractions as had been the case before.

Today was the day of the Gold family picnic down at the park. She knew that Regina was looking forward to playing in the castle with Henry and Alina, and David was looking forward to beating Rumple at horseshoes. As for herself, she was looking forward to relaxing with Belle and Emma, and holding her new granddaughter Ilyssa and Belle's twins, Daria and Dylan, while she ate sandwiches and drank homemade lemonade.

She looked out the window as she walked back from the bathroom, and saw that it was going to be a lovely day—not a cloud in the sky and sunny. Humming softly, she went to wake David.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

"Belle, this tuna salad is fantastic!" Snow raved as she ate a second sandwich. "What do you put in it?"

"Just diced onions, celery, light mayo, diced sweet pickles and some salt, pepper, and a dash of curry powder," answered the librarian, eating a slice of watermelon. "And I use Genova tuna, packed in light olive oil. I think it has a better flavor than other brands."

"It's delicious. I think I need to write that down," Snow groped in her purse for a pen and a paper. As she did so, she frowned, as suddenly the pain in her lower back grew more pronounced, and suddenly a gush of fluid soaked her skirt. She froze. "Umm-Belle? I think my water just broke."

Belle put her watermelon slice down and squeezed Snow's hands. "Okay—take deep breaths. I'm gonna go and tell David." She jumped up and ran over to the horseshoe pit where the men were all playing.

"David, your special delivery is on its way," she announced calmly.

"My what?" the prince halted his throw, the horseshoe clutched in his hand.

"In other words, dearie, your wife's in labor now better get her to the hospital," Rumple translated. "Because Bae and I are not doing another home delivery in the park!"

"Snow's in labor!" David sputtered. "Oh my God!" he looked utterly panicked. He ran up to his wife. "Snow, how far apart are the contractions? When did they start?"

"Now, and pretty close. We need to move it, honey! Because I'm not Jane and you're not Tarzan!" Snow wheezed.

"Okay . . .umm . . .where's my keys?" he groped in his pocket.

"Here," Emma held them up. "I took them. Because you're in no shape to drive, Dad. Let's go."

"I'll round up the kids," Bae said, just as Regina came rushing over. "Mommy, where are ya goin'?"

"To the hospital, sweetie. Your brother's about to get born!" Snow called as she was ushered into the car.

"Can I see? Can I see?" Regina called excitedly, and went to run after her mother.

"Whoa, dearie," Rumple grabbed her shirt collar. "You're gonna come with me, okay? We'll go to the hospital after we clean up from the picnic and you can see Mommy then."

"Aww! But Unca Rumple, I wanna see my brother get borned!"

"We'll see him. Now come and help me gather up the plates. The faster we get cleaned up the quicker we'll get to the hospital."

"Kay! Alina! Henry! Come help us clean up!" she bellowed in her drill sergeant voice. "Mommy's havin' the baby an' I wanna see it get borned, so hurry your butts up!"

Alina rolled her eyes. "The queen has spoken."

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Some fifteen minutes later they were all on their way to the hospital. Regina chattered the whole way in the backseat of Rumple's Cadillac. "Unca Rumple, 'member the last time you went to the hospital when Emma was havin' Ilyssa and you made the car fly? Can we do that again?"

"No, we're not doing that again. That was only because it was an emergency," he replied.

"What if I said I was gonna puke? Is that an emergency?"

Rumple rolled his eyes. "You aren't, and I'd give you a bucket."

"What if I said I had to pee really bad? Then could we?"

"No. Because I'd just teleport you home."

"What if I banged my head into the car door and knocked myself out?"

"Somebody shoot me!" Rumple groaned.

By the time they made it to the hospital, Snow was already in a room up on maternity.

As they were going into the elevator, with Rumple holding an infant seat and Regina's hand tightly, Regina said, "Hey, I wonder if Mr. Sprat's still here? Then I can ask if he's all better from the surgery on his weenie!"

Rumple wanted to bang his head into a wall then. "Regina, he's not here and you will not be wandering off anywhere, am I clear?"

She heaved a sigh. "Yeah, I hear ya."

Belle looked at her husband. It was going to be a long few hours.

_Two hours later:_

"Mommy, is the baby here yet?" Regina asked for what seemed like the fiftieth time in two minutes.

"Not yet," Snow panted. "But he's coming."

"Where? I don't see him."

"Just be patient, princess," Charming advised. "Snow, you want some ice chips?"

He gave her some in a plastic cup.

The doctor said she was almost half effaced and so they had to wait. Apparently she had been in labor since this morning and hadn't realized it. Snow wished she hadn't realized it now . . .until she was ready to deliver.

Just then Ilyssa woke and began crying.

"Looks like the swan chick's hungry," Bae told Emma.

"Yeah, it's time to milk the cow," she joked to him and picked up the baby.

"Uh, Uncle Rumple, it's getting kinda crowded in here," Jimmy said. "Mind if I go down to that food market and grab a drink?" He was getting restless and the room felt like a prison cell.

"I'll come too," said Henry.

"Me too," Alina agreed.

"All right. Take this," he handed Jimmy a fifty. "And I want the change back, Mr. Jones."

"Aye, sir," his nephew replied, and then the three departed with sighs of relief.

Half-an-hour went by.

Snow knew something was happening as the contractions grew stronger and more prolonged. She tried to rest inbetween them, but with all her family there, sleep was well nigh impossible. Until Rumple came up and touched her lightly on the shoulder. White magic flickered from his hand, and Snow almost passed out in relief. "Oh!"

"Better now, dearie?" he queried softly.

She gave him a dreamy smile. "I love you, Rumple!"

"Hey!" Charming cried indignantly.

"Oh, don't worry, Emma looked at him like she wanted to build him a shrine when he did that to her," Bae said, holding Ilyssa and patting her back.

Emma kicked him in the ankle. "So would _you_ if _you_ felt like someone was sawing you in half without anesthetic!" Then she added, 'And we won't mention how you passed out after seeing a needle!"

Bae glared at her. "A needle? It was the size of a freaking horse injection!"

Charming started tittering.

"Don't laugh, dearie. That could be you," Rumple teased.

"How long does this spell last, Rumple?"

"About two hours. I can extend it though."

"Would you? Then maybe I won't need to get any needles. I don't like them," Snow shuddered.

The sorcerer-attorney put his hand on her again and then used his magic to extend the spell. "There! No epidural necessary."

"I like your version much better," Snow assured him. Then she closed her eyes and tried to nap.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_An hour later:_

"Okay, Mrs. Nolan, you're ready for the delivery room," announced Dr. Lacey, and she helped Snow onto a gurney to transport her down there. Emma handed Ilyssa to Bae, and said, "Hang on, Mom, I'm coming." She poked David, who was snoozing. "Dad, wake up! It's showtime!"

David came awake instantly. "She's having the baby?"

"Yeah, Dad, c'mon, we're going into the delivery room." Emma urged.

Regina peered out of the room as they wheeled Snow down the hallway and into some big green doors. "Where they takin' Mommy?"

"Somewhere private where she can have the baby in peace," Jimmy told her, gently pulling her back into the room.

"But I wanna see it!" she pouted.

"No, you don't," he assured her. He shivered, recalling how once one of his dad's crew had captured a bunch of women, one of whom was close to her time, and she ended up giving birth aboard the ship. All he could recall was blood and screaming and Pegleg Pete threatening to shoot the woman's brains out for making such a racket. He put his iPod on and went to listen to Quiet Riot's "Come on Feel the Noise" to erase the images from his head.

Regina went to sit on a chair, pouting and bored to death.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

In the delivery room, the nurses began to prep Snow, and David started getting nervous. Very nervous. He hadn't been allowed in the room while the actual birth was going on in FairyTale Land, because that wasn't how things were done back then. He had come in just as Emma was born, and so hadn't been there for the whole thing.

He went and held Snow's hand and said comfortingly, "Okay, honey, now breathe—like this . . ." and began panting, sounding like an asthmatic racehorse.

Snow started laughing. "Charming, stop! You're gonna make yourself hyperventilate and pass out. Then I'll have to kill you."

"I'm fine, honey," he assured her breezily. "Fine!"

Emma rolled her eyes. She was on the other side of her mother. "Yeah that's what Bae said before he saw the epidural."

" _I'm_ fine!" the prince insisted. "I've battled dragons and ogres and black knights. I can handle this." He continued breathing with his wife, ignoring his sudden lightheadedness.

"Okay, Mrs. Nolan, are you ready to push?" coached the doctor.

Snow nodded and then she said, "Charming, this is it," she was feeling no pain, only pressure thanks to her "Rumpledural". She turned to look at her husband, delighted to be sharing in this miracle, when she saw her brave husband's eyes suddenly roll back in his head and he thudded onto the floor. "Charming! _Charming!_ I don't believe this!"

The delivery staff started laughing.

"Oh, for God's sake, Dad!" groaned Emma.

"Is he okay? Somebody check his vitals."

A nurse knelt down. "He's breathing, just conked out. Happens all the time. First time fathers!"

Emma scowled. "Except he's not!" she muttered. Typical. It was so ironic—her husband and her father, both big strong warrior types, couldn't handle something like their wife giving birth. While Rumple, once thought of as a coward, had delivered his wife of twins!

"Okay, Mom—"she began.

Just as the green doors creaked open and an unauthorized visitor entered the room.

"So what do we do with him?" one of the staff asked.

"Nothing, just leave him. He'll wake up eventually," shrugged another.

Suddenly a small voice squeaked, "Hey, Mommy, why doncha got no underwear on?"

Snow nearly fell off the table. "Oh my God! Tell me that's not—"

"And why are your feet up in the air? Are ya doin' gymnastics?"

"Regina!?"

Her youngest daughter smirked broadly. "Hi, Mom! How come you're having the baby here? And where's it gonna come out of? Your butt?"

Snow wanted to have someone erase her memory.

"Kid, you're not supposed to be in here," a nurse began, trying not to bust out laughing.

"Cause if it is, you better pray ya don't have hemroids or else it's gonna get stuck!"

Snow facepalmed herself. "No more Discovery Channel for you!"

The hospital staff was hysterical.

Emma's eyes were the size of dinner plates. "Kid, what are _you_ doing here? Where's Bae?"

"He had to go potty, Henry's watchin' Ilyssa, Jimmy's listenin' to music, Aunt Belle's feeding Daria, and Dylan puked on Unca Rumple, and Alina went to get ice cream in the cafe. I was bored so-here I am!

"So is the baby gonna come out already? I get bored real fast. Shake a leg, Mommy!" she declared impatiently. "We've been here for- _ever!_ "

" Oohh . . . I think I need to push . . . Emma, get Regina outta here and ask Rumple for his cane so while I'm having this kid I can wake up your dad with it! He deserves a good beatdown!"

"Mommy, whadda you mean push...push what?"

"Never mind!" Snow gasped. She could feel the pressure building in her pelvis.

"But I wanna know!"

"Mrs. Nolan, you can start pushing," encouraged a nurse.

"Not with my three-year-old here I'm not!" she panted.

"Push it, push it real good!" Regina sang. "Mommy, I can turn around. "Don't wanna see you with no underwear that's gross."

Emma, the doctor, and the delivery staff nearly died laughing.

Back in the waiting room, Rumple suddenly realized something. Regina was missing-again. "Hold your sister," he ordered a startled Bae, who had just returned from the men's room. "I need to track down a missing minx!" He handed Daria to Bae and ran down the hall.

"R-U-U-M-P-L-E!" Snow bellowed. "Come get her!"

"But I wanna see the baby get borned so hurry up!"

Rumple's head whipped around. "Oh _hell_ no!" he gasped. "She's in the delivery room!"

"Isn't that hard is it?"

"Snow, you need to push . . .the baby's getting antsy," her OBGYN told her firmly.

"Kid, cover your eyes!" Emma ordered, gripping Snow's hand. "Mom, just do it!"

"Like Nike!" Regina chirped.

"Okay, okay. I'm pushing!" Snow moaned. She began to bear down.

She just wanted the baby out of her and she didn't care right then who was watching. She could go viral for all she cared.

"Is it coming yet?"

Snow was sweating. "Ahhh . . .this . . .is . . .a bit . . .easier than with you, Emma . . .but oh God . . ."

"Good job, Snow! I see the baby's head!"

"Oohh lemme see!"

"NO!" both Snow and Emma hollered.

"Ewww gross, it's coming out...THERE!"

Rumple burst into the room.

"Who the hell are you?" cried the doctor. "What d'you think this is-a party?"

"Excuse me, dearie. I'm just here to-Regina, c'mere!" Rumple grabbed the too inquisitive toddler and slapped a hand over her eyes.

"Ewww Mommy prolly PEED on it too!"

"Jesus H. Christ!" Rumple swore. "Don't tell me you saw-?!"

"Unca Rumple, I don't wanna have kids if they come outta my pee hole!"

"Bloody hell!" Snow yelled. "Rumple, can you beat my husband awake _before_ his son is born?"

"Where's David?"

"On the floor! He passed out!" she gritted, then began panting again.

Rumple began giggling uncontrollably. "Oh dearie dearie dear! The great dragonslayer- _fainted_!"

"Rumplestiltskin, you twisted little imp! Quit giggling and get my husband's ass up before my kids are fatherless!" Snow yelled, squeezing Emma's hand in two as another contraction hit. "Oh boy-oh boy- oh boy!"

"Oww! Mom, I think you just maimed your firstborn," Emma whimpered.

"P...p..push it real good!" Regina sang and did a little dance around the room.

Rumple muttered something and his cane appeared. Then he walked over to where Charming was lying passed out cold on the floor-the staff was stepping over him-and cried, "Wakey wakey, dearie!"

Then he poked the prince in the butt with his cane, which emitted a sudden jolt of revitalizing energy.

"Yeeooww! My butt!" Charming shrieked like a schoolgirl.

"It's alive!" yelled an intern.

"Daddy, you scream like girl?"

"Oh my God! What the HELL?"

"Shut up, David! Before I tell Rumple to write up some divorce papers!" Snow snarled. "You almost missed your son getting born!"

"The baby's born?! Oh shit!" Charming yelped, seeing the garage in his future.

"OOO! Daddy swore! Unca Rumple, where's the Ivory?" Regina warbled.

"What's _she_ doing here?" David goggled.

"Being Regina," answered Rumple, scooping his niece up again and holding her away from the table where Snow was laboring to bring her secondborn into the world.

"Now, Mrs. Nolan, one more good one!" encouraged a nurse.

"C'mon, honey, you can do it!" Then he glared at Rumple. "Did you have to do it so hard?"

"If you hadn't passed out, dearie . . .!" Rumple snickered.

"I'm never gonna live this down, am I?" Charming groaned.

Snow grabbed his hand just as she bore down again.

Charming went white. "Honey . . .I think you broke my hand!"

"Good!" yelled his wife and eldest daughter.

A baby's strident wail echoed in the room.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Nolan-it's a boy!" said the doctor.

"A son! We have a son!" yelled Charming triumphantly. He had no feeling left in his hand and his backside throbbed like he'd been shocked with a cattle prod, but he couldn't have been happier. He kissed his wife.

"So what's this little prince named, Charming?" Rumple asked.

"Rumple, meet my son, Caspian Alexander," he announced, taking the baby and handing him to Snow.

Snow cuddled the baby close. "Oh look! Isn't he beautiful?"

"He sure is, dearie," Rumple responded.

"Unca Rumple! Don't lie! He's a conehead!" Regina blurted.

"Hey! Be nice, the kid had a hard time, Miss Bossy!" Emma retorted. "Mom, he's adorable. Cool name too. I always loved Narnia as a kid."

Snow kissed her son on the head. "Hello, sweet prince," she cooed. Unlike her daughter, she knew she need never fear this baby being torn from her arms because of a vengeful Evil Queen.

Because the former queen was staring at the baby and saying, "Don't worry, Cas, if anybody makes fun of your head I'll bop 'em in the eye!" Then she shook her finger at him. "But just remember-I'M the big sister-and you do what I tell ya-or else!"

Caspian suddenly stuck his tongue out at her.

Emma giggled. "Looks like you're gonna have a fun time with these two, Mom and Dad."

"Calgon, take me away!" Snow groaned.

"That won't help, Mom!" Emma giggled. "Because we'll always find you!"

"Real funny, Emma!" groused her mother, then she cracked up.

And so it was that the birth of the first young prince of the Enchanted Forest was greeted with laughter, as was only proper for such a joyous occasion.

Until Regina blurted, "Ya know, I think I changed my mind. Can we give him away? I wanna kitten instead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who knows where the title from this chapter came from?  
> Hint--it's another famous animated film

**Author's Note:**

> next the Charming's baby is born


End file.
